The ultimate guide from
quiet to confident in 30 days
Overview
To Start, social anxiety is extremely common and normal, so do not feel bad or embarrassed that you are facing this. People who are lucky enough to not have faced anxiety are not better than you, you are on your own path and simply have had different expereinces. My name is Jackson, and to begin I want to highlight my own experience with anxiety. In high school my anxiety was so bad that I felt out of touch with reality. When going to school I would dump sweat throughout the day, often early in the cold morning. When talking one-on-one with a crush my face would turn red and hot, when I was hanging out with friends at lunch or after school, I always felt like the odd one out, I couldn’t keep up with conversations, I did not know what to say in conversation, and when I did speak I would often be filled with regret. Sometimes my regret was valid, I was immature and lacked social skills, but even when I did nothing “wrong” I would overthink my interactions and be filled with anxiety. I allowed my anxiety to control me, and I missed out on a lot of things I really wanted to do.
Anxiety is something that really never goes away with anyone, you simply learn to accept it and not let it hold you back, and then you forget it’s even there. If your anxiety is severe and does not go away even after taking steps to minimize it, please see a therapist or talk to a trusted adult. If you ever contemplate or want to hurt yourself or others please talk to a trusted adult or therapist.
The tips I will give include meditation, education on psychology, “immersion therapy”, and personal lifestyle changes. I will go into much more detail, but if these techniques seem hopeless, weird, or illogical; just hear me out.
30 Days
Day 1
There are some lifestyle changes that need to be made, and some experiences that must be had. To start I am going to recommend you journal every night, and meditate every morning (if you cannot do mornings, find time in your day). Keep in mind if your anxiety is bad enough, you have nothing to lose, there is no downside to doing these habits. These are the only daily habits I insist on. For learning the countless benefits of meditation, I recommend looking up Sam Harris for scientific explanations. He also has great simple guided meditations, nothing fancy or weird, any person can do them. I recommend meditating 5-10 minutes per day. As for journaling, look up some benefits of journaling to get your motivation up, then do it. Does not matter how long. if you need to vent do it, if you just want to write what you did in the day, do it. Regardless of what you do, writing down a to do list of what you need to do the next day is a great organization and anxiety reduction skill. By the way, GO EASY ON YOURSELF. You cannot expect to hammer yourself with a million new habits in one day, so simply journal and meditate. Easy. For your to do list you can write “Tomorrow I am going to go to school/work/gym, meditate, then journal again.”
Thats right, you will go to the gym, not everyday but definitely work out! Exercise and mediation are the two greatest things to do. Again look up and research benefits of exercise to convince yourself and gain motivation. Exercise for about two hours a week spread out for at least two days. So you can do 20 minutes everyday or you can do two days with two hours etc.
To wrap it up, your first day meditate for 5-10 minutes. No more, do not go crazy with new habits they must be developed over time. 10 minutes if you can handle it, if not do 5 with no excuses. Since it is the first day, do a workout. If you can get a membership to a gym lift weights for 30-60 minutes, weightlifting with music is my personal favorite workout. If you cannot go to a gym run for around 10 minutes or about a mile. If you are too anxious to run in public, I get it, but once you do it you will feel great and you will be like those runner you see who don’t give a crap. If you are not comfortable with that yet, you can instead workout at home doing pushups, sit ups, etc (look up an Athlean X home workout on YouTube). This is a long paragraph so if you want book recommendations and more info click below. Books are a great way to learn meditation, and reading of any sort will reduce anxiety.
Day 2
Ok, I got most of the explaining out of the way, so like I said, you will meditate and journal today. Take a rest from the workout. Do not burn yourself out by piling on a bunch of new habits. If you are feeling confident enough to go out of your comfort zone do so, try to say hello to someone walking down the street, say hello to a cashier, if you normally stay home go out and buy a chocolate bar and put yourself out in public. If even this is too much for you, that is ok, it is only day 2. But if you think you can do it, do it.
Day 3
Same thing. Meditate and journal. You took a workout rest day on day 2, so now workout again. Try to workout for as long as you can. Same thing as day 2, try to do something out of your comfort zone. This time I will strongly recommend it. Again you can do something small, but make sure it is out of your comfort zone or something you wouldn’t normally do. Wear something you like but have been too nervous to wear out. Say hi to someone on the street, when you workout do it in public if it is something you are scared of. Just do something even if it is small. This is called “immersion therapy”. Feel free to research this to get more information and motivation on it.
Day 4 - 7
Keep it up. If you have already worked out twice this week you do not have to work out anymore. Otherwise try to finish your two hours per week. On day 6 or so, once again exit your comfort zone. Ask someone on the street for $20 dollars, they will reject you, and you can walk away smiling because you faced your fear of rejection. If you are as anxious as I was when I did this, you will be filled with adrenaline and probably stutter when you ask but that is ok, just ask and smile.
day 8-14
Ok for this week we will continue to do our daily habits, but we gotta start ramping shit up. Everyday you must do something that makes you uncomfortable, awkward, or anxious. You need to embrace these emotions, and just like in your meditation, take a deep breath of acceptance, your goal is to become ok with being uncomfortable. Learning that you will be fine no matter how awkward you feel. So sign up for a class (boxing class, yoga class, surfing class, toastmasters, community service/ volunteering) something public and interesting but you are too anxious to do it. Just do it and see how it goes. Try to go 2 or 3 times a week. On the days that you do not have these classes, do some other form of immersion. It does not necessarily have to be social, you can go surfing which has always scared you or you just never found motivation. You can post something on your social media when you don’t normally post, or post something you normally wouldn’t post. You can ask someone on a date, or ask someone you don’t normally hang out with to hang out. If your friends always make plans and you follow, try making the plans yourself this time. If they say no see it as rejection therapy.
Little example of a good week would be journaling and meditating every day, two hours of exercise, boxing class on Monday, gym on Tuesday combined with a short conversation with a gym buddy or front desk worker, say hello to someone on the street on Wednesday, go for a hike on Thursday (if you already hike anyway, maybe go alone or go somewhere new to make it more adventurous/ out of the comfort zone), wear a new or edgy outfit/ accessory on Friday you are a little nervous to wear, on Saturday ask a new friend to hangout or make plans when you normally don’t, or ask your friends to go somewhere new, on Sunday you can ask a stranger for a $20, or you can smile/ wave at a stranger, or you can drive your car with your windows down (if that’s something that makes you nervous). You do not have to follow this schedule but it is an example of exiting your comfort zone in a little way each day, see it as a fun adventure, each day you will be slightly more and more ok with rejection/ awkwardness.
Days 14-21
This is week three. Hooray. Continue meditating, journaling, and exercising. At this point you should notice a bit of change, a bit of difference. You probably won’t be a completely different person, but facing your fears no matter how small they seem will greatly develop and expand your mind. I would recommend one of two plans for week three: 1. you can repeat week 2, doing small habits everyday. Or 2. You can do some major confident actions. In my opinion option 2 is more of a brute force method. For this you do not have to do something everyday, but at least once this week, maybe twice, do something big, something ballsy, something awesome. Some recommendations that had a dramatic impact on me personally is cliff diving, asking someone out on a date (preferably a crush you have been meaning to ask), go on a date (maybe someone is already interested in you but you have been nervous to actually make plans), go for a 5 mile run (hopefully in public, and you won’t give a crap), go surfing/hiking alone (if you do, I would recommend doing this in a populated area, in case of emergency people can help), post a YouTube video/ some creative outlet, do something kind of crazy or out of character or nerve wracking, and just do it. Facing a major fear, or doing something new, is really a great way to come out of your shell and be more confident. Even if your crush rejects you or your date goes poorly it will be a learning experience and you can smile at the fact that you tried and you won’t have the regret of inaction. Feel free to come up with your own actions you can take, think deep and you will know what is best for you.
21-30
The final week. Repeat week 2 or 3. Smile and pat yourself on the back, you are this far. If you slipped up, missed a few days, forgot to meditate for a day or two: it is not a big deal, you are still making major progress, some meditation is better than none, one day of immersion is better than none. Even if you gained nothing from this experience you will at least know what doesn’t work for you. If you feel better at all, more confident at all, keep it up! Again there is so little to lose and so much to be gained by doing these activities. I would definitely encourage you to continue. If you did everything I recommended and still suffer from chronic anxiety, and you do not see any light of improvement or future course of action, then see a therapist or talk to a trusted adult. You do not have to go through this alone.